My Dream

 

I get onto the bus, pick a seat in the corner, and start to listen to Security Now podcast. Online technology communities are notably hostile to newcomers. On community forums, I am always labeled as unqualified to comment on topics. Listening to technology podcasts is my way to gain knowledge so that I will no longer be recognized as a beginner. Suddenly, a voice comes along. “Nice shirt.”

I turn to the right. It is a guy with a big smile on his face. I am confused and I try to smile back, forcefully stretching edges of my squeezed lip onto my ears. “I like your shirt.” He repeats. I peak at my Ubuntu logo printed shirt. A swarm of blood pumps through my heart. It is always exciting to meet Linux operating system enthusiasts.

“Thank you! Do you use Ubuntu too?”

“Yes, kind of. You know, there are so many Linux distros. Ubuntu is one of them.”

He begins to list numbers of distros that I have never heard of. I struggle to follow all the distros’ names but my curiosity is fostering.  I tilt my head and look at the window behind him. What kind of geek would use all those different distros?

“You must be experienced with Ubuntu.” He says. He turns toward me. His eyes emit particular light that can break into my dark mind-chamber where I hide the insecurity as a beginner.

“Eh, I only use Ubuntu as my primary operating system. I am not one of those experts who does everything in the terminal.”

Usually, I would explain how Ubuntu is user-friendly to beginners and how awesome Ubuntu online community is, but I decide not to make myself more foolish than I already appear to be. Only newbies use Ubuntu.

“What about you? How do you like Linux? What do you use Linux for?”

“I am taking an information security class.”

My blood starts boiling. I have always had a dream to become a security expert. However, after I learn more about the industry via podcasts, I decided not pursue my dream. White hat hackers do not always get paid. People do not appreciate their effort to create a safer Internet. Some even regard security experts as troublemakers. I have so many questions need answers.

“You must be one of those Kali Linux guys in the show Mr. Robert. What are you working on?” I interrupt him.

“I do use Kali Linux. Kali Linux is designed for penetration testing. I am trying to remote control a PC run on Ubuntu. Why do you choose Ubuntu?”

I have watched enough Def Con presentations to comprehend how difficult it is to remote control a modern operating system. I try to conceal my excitement and decide to tell a funny joke before asking series questions.

“Computers are like air conditioners, they can’t work while Windows are open.”

Linux online communities love poking fun of Windows. I am expecting a laugh, but nothing happens. He is sitting there, smiling. Then, I start to list every unpleasant experience with Windows. Still, I get no reaction from him.

“Have you tried Windows 10?” he asks.

This question makes me suspicious about whether he is the security expert I have always wanted to meet. Windows 10 is notorious for collecting users’ private information. Of course, I avoid using Windows 10. There is one simple way to test whether he is a hacker.

“No. What operating system do you run on your laptop? Where do you install your Linux distros?”

“I am running Windows 10 as my host operating system. I run Linux distros in VirtualBox. It is so convenient, you can run any OS in VirtualBox. Look, here is my note from hacking class. Do you know any of those terms?”

There is a long list of words in his note. I quickly spot the word VPN. He is definitely not a security expert. A white hat would have been using a VPN every day. I get even more excited. Although I will not get my questions answered, I get to destroy a beginner’s “unrealistic” dream just as how my dream was crushed by experts in the tech industry.

“It is so dangerous to become a hacker. It is so easy for your internet service provider to acknowledge that you are doing naughty things on the Internet. Even if you are using a VPN, FBI still can find you via the real-time attack. If you use Tor all the time, you should expect that the ISP has already put you on a naughty list. This year, FBI arrested one teenager during Def Con for being able to find the flow in WannaCry ransomware code. Another one was arrested….”

Before I finish my sentence, he suddenly stands up.

“Excuse me, it is my stop.”

After he leaves his seat. I spread out my arms feeling relaxed. The triumph of victory is ringing in my ears. My eyebrows are dancing. My smile becomes natural. I can speak English more fluently. My confidence has reached another new peak value.

My Dream

I step onto the bus, pick a seat in the corner, and start to listen to Security Now podcast. Online technology communities are notably hostile to newcomers. On community forums, I am always labeled as unqualified to comment on topics. Listening to technology podcasts is my way to gain knowledge so that I will no longer be recognized as a beginner. Suddenly, a voice comes along. “Nice shirt.”

I turn to the right. It is a young man smiling at me. I try to smile back, forcefully stretching edges of my squeezed lip onto my ears, but the prefrontal cortex is too weak to separate my frowning brows. “I like your shirt.” He repeats. I peak at my Ubuntu logo printed shirt. A swarm of blood pumps through my heart. It is always exhilarating to meet Linux operating system enthusiasts.

“Thank you! Do you use Ubuntu too?”

“Yes, kind of. You know, there are so many Linux distributions. Ubuntu is one of them.”

A list of cyphered distro names transmit through his larynx. My biological processor, the receiving side, struggles to decrypt the message but my curiosity is fostering.  I tilt my head and look at the window behind him. What kind of geek would use all those different distros?

“You must be experienced with Ubuntu.” He says. He turns toward me. His visual detectors emit particular electromagnetic waves that can traverse my dark mind-chamber where I hide the insecurity as a beginner.

“Eh, I only use Ubuntu as my primary operating system. I am not one of those experts who does everything in the terminal.”

Usually, I would explain why Ubuntu is user-friendly to beginners and how splendid Ubuntu online community is, but I decide not to make myself more foolish than I already appear to be. Only newbies use Ubuntu.

“What about you? How do you like Linux? What do you use Linux for?” I ask.

“I am taking an information security class.”

My blood starts boiling. I have always had a dream to become a security expert. However, the more I learn about the industry, more impenetrable hurdles emerge between me and my dream. White hat hackers do not always get paid. People do not appreciate their effort to create a safer Internet. Some even regard security experts as troublemakers. I have so many questions that need answers. My deep buried dream shines again.

“You must be one of those Kali Linux guys in the show Mr. Robert. What are you working on?” I interrupt him.

“I do use Kali Linux. Kali Linux is designed for penetration testing. I am trying to remote control a PC running on Ubuntu. Why do you choose Ubuntu?”

The only lesson which Def Con presentations have taught me is that the level of difficulty to remote control a modern operating system is beyond my comprehension. The prefrontal lope is working overtime against its fierce enemy, adrenal gland. I decide to tell a funny joke before asking a series of questions.

“Computers are like air conditioners, they can’t work while Windows are open.”

Linux online communities love poking fun of Windows. I am expecting a laugh, but nothing happens. He is sitting there, smiling. Then, I enumerate every unpleasant experience with Windows. Still, I get no reaction from him.

“Have you tried Windows 10?” he asks.

“No!”

Of course not. Windows 10 is notorious for collecting users’ private information. His question makes me suspicious about whether he is the security expert I have always wanted to meet. There is one simple way to test whether he is a hacker.

“What operating system do you run on your laptop? Where do you install your Linux distros?”

“I am running Windows 10 as my host operating system.” He answers. “I run Linux distros in VirtualBox. It is so convenient, you can run any OS in VirtualBox. Look, here is my note from the hacking class. Do you know any of those terms?”

There is a long list of words in his note. I quickly spot the word VPN. He is definitely not a security expert. A white hat hacker would have always been using a VPN. I get even more thrilled. Although I will not get my questions answered, I get to destroy a beginner’s “unrealistic” dream just as how experts crushed my dream years ago.

“It is so dangerous to become a hacker. It is so easy for your internet service provider to acknowledge that you are doing naughty things on the Internet. Even if you are using a VPN, FBI still can find you via the real-time attack. If you use Tor all the time, you should expect that the ISP has already put you on a naughty list. This year, FBI arrested one teenager during Def Con for being able to find the flaw in WannaCry ransomware code. Another one was arrested….”

Before I can finish my sentence, he suddenly stands up.

“Excuse me. It is my stop.”

After he leaves his seat, I spread out my arms enjoying the excessive dopamine production. The triumph of victory is ringing in my ears. My eyebrows are dancing. My smile becomes natural. I can speak English more fluently. My confidence has reached to another new peak value.

Differences in Tone Between “The Lamb” and “The Tyger”

 

William Blake’s “The Lamb” in Songs of Innocence and “The Tyger” in Songs of Experience show “Contrary States of the Human Soul” through drastically different tones (Aghabegian). “The Lamb” promotes a joyful and trustful tone by depicting an image where the child speaker talks directly to the lamb with his simplistic vocabulary on a beautiful day whereas “The Tyger” promotes a dark and reflective tone by framing a picture where the adult speaker reflects why god would forge the vicious tiger with the speaker’s complex vocabulary in the darkest night. The differences in tone between two poems are disclosed through the use of different vocabulary and speakers. By analyzing connotations and apostrophe, it becomes clear that “The Lamb” presents the benevolent and mild side of god while “The Tyger” introduces the harsh and forceful side of god.

The word choices in “The Lamb” create a joyful, intimate, and childish atmosphere when the ones in “The Tyger” gives a dark, mature, and realistic view of the world. The title “The Lamb” first indicates the tone of the poem. The image of a fluffy lamb immediately warms readers’ hearts. As the symbol of Jesus, the lamb also provides a sense of trust. Subsequently, the use of simple vocabulary establishes an innocent and childlike speaker. The speaker asks the lamb “Little Lamb who made thee?” (Blake, 1). In the question, the lamb is described as “little”, which shows the intimacy between the speaker and the lamb. Instead of asking how the lamb is born or how the lamb is created, Blake chooses the word “made” to show the innocence and the simplicity of the speaker. Using words which connote peace and joy, the speaker then paints an image where the lamb is singing by the stream with its “tender” voice and eating delicious grass while its softest “clothing of delight” gleams in the sun. The picture incorporates sound, smell, and touch to establishes the tone. The sound of the lamb promotes peacefulness, the smell of the grass evokes a sense of sweetness, and the shiny wool provides the feeling of warmth. The picture indeed creates a delightful atmosphere which makes “all the vales rejoice” (Blake, 4-8). Then, the speaker tells a story where Jesus is born as a child. When people celebrate the birth of “meek” and “mild” Jesus on Christmas, the story once more reinforces a joyful tone.

In contrast, the title of the poem “The Tyger” immediately gives the reader a shiver when the presence of a ferocious predator drives the secretion of adrenaline.  Using expressions which connote fear and power, the speaker then depicts a vivid picture where the tiger is lurking “In the forests of the night”.  When the chant-like repetition of “Tyger! Tyger!” and the deep “forests” stimulates a mysterious feeling, the “burning” tiger successfully establishes a fearful tone (Blake, 1-2). It could be the tiger’s eyes that are burning in the dark. When sparkling eyes of a cat can give people an uneasy feeling, the glowing eyes of a large fierce predator could be responsible for readers’ worst nightmares. It could also be the tiger’s fiery orange stripes that are burning in the dark. When highly symmetric, fluid, yet irregular orange stripes almost look like flames radiated from a demon’s body, the symbolic flames promise the explosive energy hidden under tiger’s skin. Subsequently, the speaker tries to picture the image that god forges the tiger with his complex and diverse vocabulary. In the picture, god is powerful and skillful. He “[seizes] the fire” with his hand and flies using his strong wings. With his “dread hand”, he picks up the “hammer” and the “chain”, then forges the tiger in the “furnace” (Blake, 7-16). By analyzing words such as “hammer”, “furnace” and “anvil”, it is obvious that Blake uses the metaphor of the blacksmith, the embodiment of god, as the creator of the tiger. Readers can feel god’s power when he seizes the fire and twists “the sinews of” the heart (Blake, 8-11). Readers can also incorporate god’s skill by appreciating the tiger’s “fearful symmetry” and the fire in tiger’s eyes (Blake, 4-6). The power and skill of god emphasize the fearfulness of the tiger, which then helps to set an anxious tone. While framing the picture, the speaker also asks a symbolistic question; did god forge the tiger in “deeps” or “skies”, hell or heaven (Blake, 5-6)?  When the question shows that the speaker respects yet fears god, it also helps to establish a reflective tone when readers wonder who is the creator of the tiger.  Comparing to “The Lamb”, “The Tyger” sets a fearful and reflective tone by utilizing sophisticated vocabulary and asking symbolistic questions.

Besides the difference in word choices, the different uses of apostrophe also help to set different tones. In a childlike view, “The Lamb” begins with the question “Little Lamb, who made thee?” (Blake, 1). The speaker, as a child, is delighted by the goodness and gentleness of the lamb. The child speaks directly to the lamb, asking an innocent, yet philosophical question and then answers the question by himself; god created the wondrous lamb. The conversation shows his trustful acceptance of Christianity. The use of a child speaker helps to set a joyful and innocent tone which can be seen through the repetition where the speaker repeats “Little Lamb I’ll tell thee!” (Blake, 11). The repetition and the exclamation mark reveal that the child is excited to tell the lamb what he learned from god and he is so innocent that he tries to get the lamb’s attention. On the other hand, the scene of an adult talking to a lamb would evoke a sense of loneliness because when adults talk to a lamb, they usually talk to themselves. Adults seldom see lambs as conscious beings and few of them can treat the lamb as an intimate friend. It would not bother them if the lamb is not listening. Subsequently, the innocence of the child is highlighted through the one-way interaction where the child tries to tell the lamb that both the child and the lamb are the children of Jesus. The conversation emphasizes the child’s faithfulness and belief that god embodies the goodness in the world. People consider children as honest and playful when children are generally protected from world’s agonies, therefore it is reasonable for them to hold a bluntly optimistic attitude toward Christianity. Readers would be skeptical if it was an adult who talks to the lamb and praises the righteousness of the world uncritically. At the same time, the child speaker reveals the answer to his own question. Blake is famous for the ambiguities in his poems. Surprisingly, Blake does not leave any obscurities in child’s answer, which shows that Blake is confident in his belief. When the child truthfully believes in Jesus, he expects that the lamb would believe in his faith too, just as how Blake expects readers to trust the child’s answer. By answering his own question, Blake emphasizes the truthfulness of the answer.

In contrast, from an adult’s perspective, “The Tyger” develops around the central question, “did he who made the Lamb make thee” (Blake 20). The speaker, as a mature adult, finds the beauty, strength, and fierceness of the tiger astonishing, yet horrendous. Not daring to confront the tiger, the speaker asks himself the question but he is not able to answer it. The speaker’s inner-reflection shows his deeper understanding of the universe, the complexity of creation, and the coexistence of good and evil. Obviously, the mature adult speaker provides a more realistic perspective and helps to set a dark and introspective tone. Rather than talking directly to the tiger, the speaker talks to himself. When the images of the tiger and its creator are fearful, it makes the horror worse that the adult speaker does not dare to pursue his answers through talking to the tiger. When adults are perceived as courageous, series of soliloquies and question marks emphasize the mysteriousness of the poem. When the use of apostrophe helps to set a dark tone, the speaker raises a philosophical query, questioning why would god create the meek lamb, but at the same time release the tiger and make the lamb suffer. Maybe god is pleased with both of his masterpieces, the lamb and the tiger, and the world is meant to be accompanied by both joy and suffering. Maybe people are not meant to understand the reasons behind the creation of the tiger. By not giving an answer, the poem sets a reflective tone, provoking the readers to discover their own comprehensive answers.

William Blake provides an answer for a fundamental question in “The Lamb”, who is the creator? He also raises a philosophical question in “The Tyger”, why would god allow such evil as the tiger? When both poems utilize apostrophe, “The Lamb” employs a child speaker with his simple vocabulary, which sets an innocent and truthful tone, while “The Tyger” utilizes an adult speaker with his complex vocabulary, which sets a dark and reflective tone. “The Lamb” shows us the innocent faith in a benevolent universe whereas “The Tyger” leaves us the complexity of creation and the magnitude of god’s power.

Power Struggles in “Hunters in the Snow”

Tobias Wolff’s “Hunters in the Snow” is an ironic presentation of power struggles among three hunters, Tub the stereotypical bullied kid, Kenny the juvenile bully, and Frank the “philosophical” grownup. The protagonist Tub quickly wins readers’ sympathies at the beginning of the story when he is completely powerless against the fat shaming from Kenny. He is so insecure about his body shape that he does not even try to confront the insults. Frank, on the other hand, is involved in an affair with an underage girl. Kenny has an upper hand on Frank since Kenny is expected to sell out Frank’s secret affair at any moment. Accordingly, the supreme power among the group lies in Kenny’s pocket. Unlike Frank and Tub, Kenny is not involved in a shameful affair with the “jailbait” and he is not troubled by his physical appearance (Wolff 6). Astonishingly, the power suddenly shifts to Tub as soon as Tub shoots Kenny when Kenny is left wounded, hoping his hunting buddies would take him to the hospital. Leaving Kenny’s fate floating in the air, the story successfully discloses the dynamic of power and the volatility of male alliance through the elements of conflict and suspense.
To illustrate the power dynamic and male alliance in the group, the story introduces three major conflicts, Frank’s pedophilia, Tub’s food addiction, and the secret behind the shooting. Being the antagonist of all three conflicts, Kenny keeps sprinkling salt on Frank’s and Tub’s wounds.
The disturbing conflict between Kenny and Frank guides readers through the power struggle between them. The introduction of the story establishes Kenny and Frank as the ones in power when Kenny plays the bully who fat-shames Tub and Frank plays the authority who silences the victim. The coordination between two characters suggests the established alliance between Kenny and Frank. The order of power is first revealed when the story introduces the conflict between Kenny and Frank. When Frank exercises his power over Tub, commanding Tub to stop “bitching” and “get centered”, Kenny jokes that “[he] won’t say anything about a certain babysitter”. Grumpy Frank asks Kenny to “keep [his] mouth shut” (3). Kenny’s laugh indicates that Kenny has power over Frank and the alliance between Kenny and Frank is volatile when Kenny cannot be trusted to keep secrets. As the conflict gets intensified, Kenny’s power keeps rising. After the three hunters lose the track of the deer, Kenny escalates the conflict to its peak by complaining that “[Frank is] too busy thinking about that little jailbait of [his he] wouldn’t know a deer if [he] saw one”. Furious Kenny first shoots down the post. Then he shoots the dog Finally, “[he turns] to Tub” and says “I hate you” (7). Kenny’s series of power moves show readers how much power he really has over Frank and Tub. Despite Frank’s effort to take control of the situation, Kenny keeps elevating his explosive rage until Tub shoots him unexpectedly. Suddenly, the most powerful figure becomes powerless. The eased conflict makes readers question, who would be the new leader of the group and whether the alliance between Kenny and Frank will survive.
A new conflict between Kenny and Tub is introduced. The new conflict guides readers through the rise of Tub and a new alliance. The conflict between Tub and Kenny begins with Kenny’s endless verbal abuse. The story establishes Tub as a stereotypical food addict who tries to hide his addiction from his friend and family. Instead of offering help, Kenny keeps making jokes about Tub’s weight. Kenny describes Tub as “a beach ball with a hat on” when they first meet. Subsequently, when the three are having a picnic in the forest, Kenny makes fun of Tub’s “hard-boiled eggs” diet, claiming “[hard-boiled eggs is] the first diet [Kenny] ever heard of where [Tub] gained weight from it”. Afterward, when the three are leaving for the farmer’s house, “Tub [has] to run for [the truck]” to get onboard (2). Kenny the driver is amused seeing an overweight person racing toward a truck. Because of Tub’s nonconfrontational nature, the conflict between Kenny and Tub does not reflect the change in power, but it indicates Tub’s desire to form a new alliance with Frank. When Tub is alone with Frank, Tub offers to hear out Frank’s affair. Even though his offer is rejected, this insignificant conversation foreshadows the change of power and the fall of the old alliance when the proposed alliance between Tub and Frank could resolve the aforementioned two conflicts. Tub will not be fat-shamed and Frank can keeps his secret safe. The new conflict between Tub and Kenny rises as soon as Tub shoots Kenny. At the time of the shooting, Tub’s defensive wordings show that Tub does not want to take responsibility for the shooting. When Frank asks “what [they are] going to say” about the shooting, Tub immediately responses that he shot Kenny in self-defense (8). At the same time, Kenny claims that “he was just kidding around” and he did not intend to shoot Tub. The new conflict escalates to its peak when the farmer reveals to Tub that he asked Kenny to kill the dog after “Frank went into the kitchen to call”. When Frank has no knowledge of the conversation between Tub and the farmer, Tub clearly has kept the secret that Kenny was indeed kidding around. The burning conflict gives Tub the incentive to grab the power at the top and create a new alliance with Frank. From Tub’s perspective, if Frank was a loyal friend to Tub, Tub would not take responsibility for Kenny’s injury when Frank can testify in favor of Tub.
All three conflicts point to the same antagonist Kenny, which foreshadows the rise of the new alliance and Kenny’s demise when Frank and Tub are both convinced that they will not gain understanding from Kenny. To gain Frank’s support, Tub offers to hear out Frank’s affair and shows his support for Frank’s “true love”. Tub claims that “when [Frank has] got a friend it means [he has] always got someone on [his] side, no matter what”. Then, Tub gains further understanding from Frank by revealing his vulnerability, food addiction. To gain Tub’s support, Frank orders pancakes for Tub. After the coalition between Tub and Frank is established, all three conflicts get resolved. Tub accepts Frank as a pedophile, Frank accepts Tub as a food addict, and Kenny dies from an accident. The resolution of three conflicts shows the readers that the power can easily slip by the fearless one Kenny down to the vulnerable ones, Tub and Frank. It also shows that the male alliance is fragile and short-lived.
Besides the use of conflict, the story also employs suspense to highlight the power dynamic and male alliance. One specific moment of suspense is founded upon readers’ sympathy toward Tub. At the beginning of the story, the description of the hostile winter and the scared driver foreshadows an unfortunate ending. When Tub is the punching bag of the group, the story makes readers wonder what would happen to unfortunate Tub. The story takes advantages of readers’ sympathy and makes the shooting more dramatic. The weakest rises to power and the strongest is left helpless. The suspense highlights the change of power. The fiction also creates another suspense, whether Kenny can make it to the hospital. The sentiment of the story shifts dramatically after the shooting. The most vulnerable person changes from Tub to Kenny. At the scene of the shooting, Frank claims that “[Kenny] is lucky” and “the [bullet] missed [his] appendix. If it had hit [his] appendix, [he would] really be in the soup” (8). Frank’s words can be interpreted as Kenny can survive the wound. The description of Kenny’s wound makes readers empathize with Kenny. When readers are worried about Kenny’s fate, the plot leaves more hints which suggest an unfortunate ending. Since the fiction is written in the third person perspective, character’s thoughts are not available to the readers. Readers have to guess characters’ thoughts behind the outrageous behaviors. When Kenny rolls “to the bottom of the drive”, instead of helping Kenny, Tub starts a fight with Frank arguing that Frank should not call Tub fat. After Frank leaves to help Kenny, Tub stands “by the fence for a while” (10). Tub’s behavior can imply that Kenny might not be able to make it to the hospital when Tub intentionally stalls the journey. Then, some readers will expect that Frank will send Kenny to the hospital. Frank fails the expectation spectacularly. On the way to the hospital, Frank stops the truck because “[he] can’t feel [his] fingers” while wounded Kenny is freezing at the back of the truck. To comfort Kenny, Frank claims that “it’s worse inside” the truck, which shows Frank has no sympathy for Kenny (11). Then, readers start to worry that Kenny can actually die. Subsequently, Frank and Tub stop again to warm up. This time, they spend a significant amount of time sharing each other’s secrets. Finally, the ending paragraph confirms readers assumption. Kenny has been betrayed by his friends. Kenny is not going to the hospital and he will die at the back of the truck. By promoting readers’ wishful thinking and striking down readers’ wishes, the plot highlights the bitterness of the power and alliance change.
By presenting a cartoonish ending where Kenny is looking into the sky, repeating he “is going to the hospital”, the fiction achieves ultimate irony where Tub begins as a victim but ends as a villain and Kenny starts as a bully but dies as a victim. The use of conflicts and suspense successfully highlights the power dynamic and the male alliance in a hostile world. The fiction reminds readers that people should always have sympathy for others whether they are in power or not. When the power shift, the previous tyrant will get punished by newly gained power.